For most people, fear governs everything about their lives. It prevents them from starting the business they have always dreamed of, it prevents them from expressing their true personality, it prevents them from asking out that girl they have had a crush on for years.
Chances are that you have experienced some, if not all of these scenarios in one shape or another.
- The fear of offending people
- The fear of being judged
- The fear of rejection
- The fear of failure
The reality is that most people do not take the time to understand how fear works and better yet how to develop a habit of fearlessness.
Becoming fearless is not about NOT having any fears. It’s about having a high tolerance for facing those fears. That contrast in definition should give you some hope that you too can develop a higher tolerance for fear.
Men who appear to be “fearless” (i.e. can talk to any girl, speak in public, etc…) do not have a lack of fear per se. They simply have build up a high tolerance for fear.
That’s what this article is about – building a strong tolerance for dealing with your fears and developing a habit of fearlessness as a byproduct.
In order to develop a habit of fearlessness you need to do the opposite of what you have been doing so far. Instead of shutting yourself off from experiences that may make you face your fears you need to invite them into your life.
Which logically brings us to….
Step #1: Opening Yourself Up To New Experiences
If you do not open yourself up to new experiences to grow and face your fears head on then you will always remain the same. I remember one thing my dad always used to tell me, “if you don’t change something about the process, you will always get the same results”.
The same thing applies here.
If you don’t change the status quo then the status quo will remain. Meaning that you need to break the pattern by opening yourself up to new experiences.
The most important thing is that you step outside your comfort zone. Instead of going to the same bar, go to a completely new one where you don’t know anyone. Instead of going out with the same friends, go out with new ones or better yet go out solo.
Step #2: You Are On Your Own
Understand that you, and only you, have your best interests at heart. You cannot rely on anyone else. Not your family, not your best friends, not your uncle, aunt, whatever.
Your own judgement and intuition trumps everything.
Start reducing your reliance on other people right now and start taking matters into your own hands whenever possible. This means moving toward financial independence, this means not relying on other people for a good time, this means taking responsibility for your own personal growth.
You will find that as you become self-sufficient your confidence will grow. Proving that you can provide for yourself is one of the single best motivators that life has to offer. The less you need from other people the more attractive you are in the eyes of others.
Step #3: Start Viewing Obstacles As Opportunities
Most people get discouraged by obstacles and retreat inward. Instead continue pushing through when faced with obstacles. Humans are biologically designed to pursue pleasure over pain. As such, we try and avoid obstacles and hardships. Realistically this is what gets us in deep shit sometimes.
We need to welcome obstacles into our lives to give us opportunities to grow.
Step #4: Build Momentum
Have you ever experiences some tremendous success in your life that all of a sudden came to a abrupt stop? A lot of the times this is due to a lack of momentum. Also known as, staying out of your own way.
The less you can disrupt your own flow and momentum the better off you will be.
Often times, momentum is broken because of our desire for control. The more you let go of any need to control things the more you can allow momentum to build.
Meditation helps immensely with being about to manage emotions and accept things the way the are.
Step #5: Deal With The Hard Stuff
Instead of trying to avoid the hard discussions, the awkward meeting, or the potentially embarrassing social encounter, you need to take an active approach.
Do it now instead of putting it off.
Step #6: Set Your Priorities Straight
At the end of the day, none of what I just wrote will do you any good unless your priorities are in tact. In order to develop a high tolerance for fear you must want to experience personal growth MORE than you want to avoid fear.
That’s all that it comes down to.
If you want to grow more than you want to avoid uncomfortable or challenging situations then you will have no problem putting what I have written above into practice.